


If We Were Better Angels

by Kinz_The_Mighty_Poptart



Category: Original Work
Genre: Break Up, Character Death, Death, F/M, First Love, High School, Implied Sexual Content, Magic, Minor Violence, Mythology References, Suggestive Themes, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenagers, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 19:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14003163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinz_The_Mighty_Poptart/pseuds/Kinz_The_Mighty_Poptart
Summary: If you could save the one you loved most from an untimely death, would you? Even if it meant that you had to sacrifice everything? Even if it meant that they would be lost to you?





	If We Were Better Angels

                He was my first love. And the one that left the biggest mark on my heart.

 

I had never expected him to notice me, we were practically from different planets.

 

He was in band and National Honor Society and he never met a stranger. I was on the debate team and the secretary for the Drama Club, and I was painfully shy.

 

                He sat behind me in English, we didn’t speak often. In fact, I don’t think we exchanged more than a cordial ‘hi’, until second semester.

 

He was talking to a friend about the Spring Play and, since I was in it, I felt inclined to comment.

 

                _Abel cocked an eyebrow at the poster for ‘Slow White vs. Tinderella: A Modern Fairy Tale’ and let out an incredulous laugh._

 

_“Mrs. Rowan really wrote that herself?” Abel asked._

 

_“It seems a little base,” Andre, his friend, retorted, “like something any middle-aged woman would write about “evil technology” or the poisoning of our youth.”_

 

_That was what drew my attention, I turned around to defend the honor of my beloved director._

 

_“Mrs. Rowan wrote it as a social commentary on beauty standards and the way society pits women against each other,” I explained._

 

_Abel and Andre both looked up, surprised that I’d said anything._

 

_“And which one are you, fair lady?” Abel asked playfully._

 

_“Tinderella, at your service.” I mock bowed and they roared with laughter._

 

                From there, we spoke daily. It’s kind of funny how quickly Abel went from a complete stranger to one of the most important people in my life.

 

It was a month tops before I realized that I had feelings for him.

 

I was unsure about how to win someone so enigmatic, so I enlisted the help of some friends.

 

Though I realize now that at that point, he was already mine all I had to do was ask.

 

_I was leaned over Abel’s shoulder, gazing at our hand._

 

_“That one?” I asked, pointing at the Ace of Spades._

 

_“No, they have to be the same suit,” he explained. I scrunched up my nose as I studied the hand, then I laughed and shook my head._

 

_“I guess this one’s up to you, Abel,” I said, resigning myself to watch._

 

_I leaned closer to him, partially to better understand the game and partially for the sake of being closer._

 

_Abel’s breath hitched ever so slightly in what I hoped was a response to our proximity. He let them skip us, then Dahlia threw down the exact card he needed, which Marissa thankfully missed._

 

_Abel picked up the Ace of Hearts and threw down the Ace of Spades._

 

_“We win!” he announced, laying out the entire Suit of Hearts on the table._

 

_“I guess you do,” Serena conceded. She and Marissa exchanged a look, then they both winked at me._

 

_“Why don’t you two go take a break while the rest of us battle it out for second place?” Marissa suggested._

 

_Abel nodded thoughtfully before he stood up and walked toward the backdoor. He opened it just a crack before he looked back at me, my heart skipped a beat._

 

_“You coming or not?” he asked, cocking his head to the side._

 

_I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast in my life._

 

_Abel held the door open for me and closed it behind us._

 

_I took a seat on Serena’s parents’ patio swing, Abel sat right next to me._

 

_My heart rate picked up and I swallowed a gasp. I looked up at Abel and barely caught the nervous quiver to his lips._

 

_We sat there in silence for what felt like ages._

 

_Abel cleared his throat to break the silence._

 

_“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” he asked. I nodded, “Yeah, it really is.”_

 

_We hit another moment of awkward silence._

 

_“We make a pretty good team, don’t we?” Abel asked._

 

_“Team?” I chuckled, “As I recall, you did most of the work in there, I merely helped.”_

 

_Abel shook his head vigorously. “You were at least good for morale,” he argued._

 

_“Go on.” I leaned back against the swing and gestured for him to continue._

 

_“I mean, I won to impress you,” Abel confessed, “I really only needed half the suit to win, but I was showboating for you.”_

 

_“Well, you certainly did,” I assured._

 

_There was a stillness to the air, a comfortable quiet. I could feel the warmth of Spring and Abel around me._

 

_I heard the soft sound of crickets chirping and a light night wind rustling the leaves of the trees._

 

_I closed my eyes to enjoy the moment and that’s when he kissed me._

 

_The warmth of Abel’s lips on mine made my heart flutter. The way he moved his lips was gentle and careful._

 

_He was a little inexperienced, but it was sincere. He rested one hand on the back of my head and the other on the small of my back._

 

_I moved my hands to his shoulders and pulled him closer._

 

_Time stopped or at least it felt like it did. The kiss felt like it lasted a century or more even though it was probably only a minute or two tops._

 

_When I pulled away, out of breath and a little dazed, Abel looked down at me thoughtfully._

 

_“I’ve been waiting to do that,” he confessed._

 

_“I’m glad you did,” I murmured._

 

_I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes again._

 

_“Molly?”_

_“Yeah?”_

 

_“Would you like to go see a movie next Saturday?” Abel asked._

 

_“I would love to.” I surged forward and pressed a kiss to his chin and he smiled._

 

_“Alright, that settles that,” he said, standing up and offering his hand to me, “I think they’re gonna start missing us if we don’t go back in soon.”_

 

_I let him pull me to my feet and lead me to the backdoor._

 

_“Ready for game night?” I asked._

 

_“Oh, any night of the week,” Abel assured, “especially when Serena and Marissa have so much trouble keeping their cards a secret.”_

 

             It felt like the next week lasted 7 years instead of 7 days. Somehow, I think Abel felt that way too.

 

He was there to walk me to every class without fail. He even came to rehearsals with me.

 

We were joined at the hip and in our own little world. By the time Saturday rolled around, I could hardly believe it.

 

The movie is a blur, but what happened after the movie is burned into my memory.

 

                _Abel held my hand tight as he led me out of the theater._

 

_“Did you have fun?” he asked once we were outside._

 

_“Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever looked at the screen less,” I teased. But how could I when he was right next to me?_

 

_Abel laughed and rewarded me with a quick kiss. It was short and sweet._

 

_When he pulled away, he pulled our still joined hands to his mouth and kissed mine._

 

_“You wanna know something Molly? You’re something special,” Abel whispered just loud enough for me to hear._

 

_“I’ve had so much fun with you Abel, no one else has ever made me feel this way,” I sighed, feeling like I was in a dream._

 

_There was a long pause, then Abel spoke up again._

 

_“Molly Isabelle Nora Edgar, will you be my girlfriend?” Abel finally asked._

 

_“Yes, Abel Carter Edwards, I will be your girlfriend, if you’ll have me.”_

 

_Abel laughed again and kissed my forehead._

 

_“Of course I’ll have you.”_

_And my heart soared._

 

             After that, time exploded like a bullet from a gun.

 

The Spring Play opened, and Abel was front and center at every show.

 

Abel and I went to the Spring Formal together.

 

I saw him off before he left to go camping in Colorado for 3 weeks.

 

And he saw me off when I went to a 2-week theater workshop in New York.

 

We spoke everyday and shared every moment that we could. Before I knew it, it was early August.

 

                _Abel and I were in his backyard laying on his old trampoline, staring up at the stars._

 

_He was talking about constellations and I was doing my best to understand._

 

_“See that one?” he asked, pointing at a cluster of stars that I could vaguely make out as a shape._

 

_“Yeah?”_

 

_“That little cluster of stars is Lyra,” Abel answered. I blinked in confusion._

 

_“Refresh my memory, what was that?”_

 

_“Lyra represents the lyre, basically the lute, of Orpheus,” Abel explained._

 

_“…Who was Orpheus?”_

 

_Abel laughed and shook his head. “Oh, my dear, you’re impossible. Orpheus was a legendary poet, musician, and prophet in Greek mythology, he journeyed to the underworld to save his lost love Eurydice.”_

 

_“Wow, did he save her?” I asked, looking over at Abel._

 

_“Almost, but he looked back before he was supposed to, and she had to stay in the underworld,” Abel finished._

 

_I must’ve made a face because he laughed again._

 

_“Don’t worry, darling, I’d make sure we were both in the overworld before I looked back,” Abel promised._

 

_“Well, since I have your word…” I teased. Abel playfully swatted at me._

 

_“I assure you that if something happened to you, I would do whatever it took to get you back,” Abel said. This time he was serious._

 

_Before I could say anything, a shooting star shot across the sky._

 

_“Well, would you look at that,” Abel commented. “Make a wish,” he instructed._

 

_I scrunched up my nose and closed my eyes tight and I made a wish._

 

_When I opened my eyes, Abel was looking at me._

 

_“What did you wish for, baby doll?” Abel pressed._

 

_“Uh-uh, if I tell you it won’t come true,” I protested._

 

_“Well, I didn’t wish for anything,” Abel confessed, “because I have exactly what I want already.”_

 

_Abel stared into my eyes for a long moment, making my heart beat fast._

 

_I leaned forward and kissed him. This time it was slow and relaxed, we both had a lot more experience than the first time._

 

_Our lips moved against each other in perfect sync. He pulled me closer and wiped a little drool from my chin in the process._

 

_We kept on like this, stopping to breath ever so often, for an immeasurable amount of time._

 

_Eventually he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine._

 

_“Molly?” he murmured._

 

_“What is it, Abel?”_

 

_Abel paused for a second, trying to think of the right way to word it._

 

_“…Do you want to take this to the next level?” he asked._

 

_“Yes,” I agreed. I loved him with my whole heart, but the warmth in my stomach and look in his eyes did a little to influence my decision._

 

_Abel smiled as he stood up. Then, he helped me up and led me toward the house._

 

_“After you, my dear,” he beamed, holding the backdoor open._

 

                Abel and I went through our entire Junior year as a couple.

 

I went to every football game for reasons relating entirely to band and he came to every single play.

 

We became a staple at every school function and we were always together. His family got used to seeing me just as my family was getting used to seeing him.

 

                We spent Valentine’s Day together in much the same manner that we spent that day in early August.

 

In May, he took me to the Junior Prom.

 

We celebrated the last day of Junior Year together at my house with all of our friends.

 

And, despite our busy schedules, we spent as much of the Summer together as possible.

 

                Senior Year saw us nominated for Cutest Couple by the Yearbook Committee, and much to my surprise, we won.

 

The first semester of Senior Year was the happiest time of my life.

 

Abel and I had never been closer. All my friends were getting along, and we were doing my favorite musical for the Fall Musical.

 

Plus, we were Seniors.

 

                But, all good things must come to end, and they eventually did.

 

The last happy memory I have of him is forever burned into my mind, but I don’t feel so happy about it looking back.

 

If I had known then what I know now, I would have tried harder to stop him. I should have stopped him, but I didn’t.

 

                _Abel sat beside me on the small loveseat. My parents sat across from us on the matching loveseat and my three siblings sat to my left on the couch._

 

_Abel and my father were engaged in a long conversation about Greek Mythology with my little brother occasionally putting in his two cents._

 

_My mother and I exchanged a knowing look and she smiled._

 

_Briefly, I wondered if someday Abel and I would be doing the same thing with our child and their boyfriend or girlfriend._

 

_I stole a glance at him and decided that I wanted that more than anything. I had found my other half, my equal in all things._

 

_As if he was reading my mind, Abel reached over and took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze._

 

_“Well, Mr. Edgar, Mrs. Edgar, it’s been lovely talking to y’all, but seeing that this is Christmas Eve, I have to get home soon,” Abel finally said._

 

_“Come back soon,” my mother chirped, keeping her smile._

 

_“Don’t be a stranger,” my father added._

 

_“I’ll walk you out,” I offered, leading him to the front door._

 

_As always, he opened the door for me and then closed it behind us._

 

_“I’ll give you your present tomorrow, at my house,” Abel promised, taking my hand in his again._

 

_“I’ll bring mine for you to your house tomorrow,” I responded._

 

_Abel smiled and brought our joined hands to his mouth to kiss my knuckles like he always does._

 

_As we walked to his car, I noticed the howl of the wind and how thickly the snow was falling._

 

_“Abel, you can’t drive home when the weather’s like this, stay here,” I pleaded. The cold snow beat against my skin and the wind buffeted my hair back._

 

_“It’s Christmas Eve, I have to get home,” Abel protested. He moved towards his driver’s side door, I blocked him._

 

_“Your family will understand, and we have plenty of room for you here,” I argued._

 

_“No Molly, I have to get home tonight, my mom said 11 o’clock at the latest and I don’t intend on making her wait,” Abel insisted._

 

_I pressed myself to the door of his car._

 

_“Move Molly,” Abel pleaded._

 

_I shook my head and pressed closer to car._

 

_“Molly…” he sighed._

 

_“No, I won’t let you kill yourself, it isn’t safe to drive,” I protested. He tried to move me, and I pushed him away._

 

_“Molly, I really have to go.”_

 

_He offered his hand to me, I swatted it away._

 

_“Molly, please.”_

 

_He put his hand on my shoulder this time, I swatted it away again._

 

_“Come on, Molly.”_

 

_He tried to move me again, I resisted._

 

_“Molly.”_

 

_He tried to pull me away and I pushed a little too hard._

 

_Now he was mad._

 

_“Dammit Molly, Move!” Abel shouted. He grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me down into the snow._

 

_His eyes went wide with realization._

 

_“Molly… I’m so sorry...” he gasped._

 

_Abel knelt down to check on me and I pushed him away. Anger and fear welled up in my chest._

 

_“Get away from me!” I screamed. I jumped to my feet and ran toward the house._

 

_“Molly, wait! Molly, I’m sorry!” he yelled. He was right behind me._

 

_When I got to the front door, I whirled around to face him._

 

_“I never want to see you again, I don’t care if you die out there or not, just leave me alone,” I hissed, my tone dripping with venom._

 

_With that, Abel left, and I never saw him again._

 

                That night haunts me, not just what I said but what happened afterwards.

 

If he had broken up with me, I could have accepted it. I would have accepted it.

 

What happened was too much for me and maybe that’s why I did what I did.

 

                Abel was killed that night on his way home. I regret everything that transpired that night and that’s what led me to my decision.

 

 Maybe if I had known the consequences, I would've just taken my own life. Maybe that would have been less painful.

 

                _Christmas Day started like it usually did with all the same traditions. We had the same breakfast we always do._

 

_We checked our stockings, then opened our presents. My sisters squabbled like they usually do the whole time._

 

_Things felt normal, even if I was still reeling from my fight with Abel._

 

_Then, the phone rang._

 

_I was half-aware of my surroundings when my mother excused herself to answer the phone. I figured it was just my aunt, checking to see what time we’d be coming over._

 

_I absently helped Hattie and Rory open their new tea set as I mulled over how such a great relationship could go so bad so fast. I wasn’t planning on going over to his house anymore, I was still mad at him._

 

_“Molly, come here,” my mother called from the kitchen. I reluctantly left Hattie and Rory to set up their first tea party, nearly tripping over Derrick’s new telescope._

 

_She was sitting at the table, her expression grim._

 

_“Mom?”_

 

_“Sit down,” she instructed, nodding to an empty chair._

 

_I reluctantly pulled out the chair and sat down._

 

_“Did something happen? Are Uncle Darren and Aunt Lillian alright?” I asked. I studied my mother’s face for anything that might give away her grim news._

 

_“It’s-It’s,” she began, her voice cracking, “It’s Abel, he’s gone.”_

 

_Time stopped, the only thing I could hear was the blood roaring in my ears._

 

_Gone? What did she mean by gone? Did he run away? Was he ashamed of what happened last night?_

 

_“He’s dead Molly,” she croaked after a minute._

 

_And just like that, my heart plummeted. Pain bubbled in my chest, a sob tore its way out of my mouth._

 

_“NO!” I screamed. I hit the floor in a sobbing heap, numb to pain of the fall._

 

_I sat on my knees with my head in my hands, screaming. I felt my mother’s arms wrap around me, then my father’s._

 

_I screamed and screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore, until nothing would come out and they let me._

 

_The tears kept falling until I eventually fell asleep. Or at least I think that’s what happened, my memory is hazy._

 

                I guess I’m stalling about what I did, but it’s hard to say it. And I didn’t do it on the night that I heard.

 

I didn’t break until after the funeral, I was strong for Abel’s sake. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

 

They had Abel’s funeral 2 days after Christmas. My parents and my siblings came with me because they really loved him, everyone did.

 

Abel was charismatic, enigmatic, it was hard not to like him. It was hard not to notice him.

 

                The entire Senior class came or at least it felt like they did. So many people hugged me and told me they were sorry for my loss.

 

Didn’t they know that this was all my fault? Of course they didn’t, they weren’t there.

 

It was honestly a miracle that I made it through, especially when Abel’s parents and older brother tried to console me, but how could they know that their loss was my fault?

 

                I bottled up so many emotions in between the 25th and the 27th that I was teetering on the edge of a breakdown the whole time. I held it together for their sake more than my own.

 

Which is probably why, when I got home I broke. And that’s why I did what I did.

 

_When I got home from Abel’s funeral, it was dark. My parents let me run up to my room and cry by myself and cry I did._

 

_The floodgates had been opened. Dark mascara streamed down my cheeks and onto my dress and pillows._

 

_I don’t remember why I decided to go into the backyard, but I did._

 

_I sat down on the porch swing- which wasn’t that much different from the one where he first kissed me- and cried some more._

 

_I cried until I didn’t have it left in me to cry, until I was too tired to cry. Then, I looked up at the stars._

 

                _I was reminded of all the times we laid outside at night and stared up at the stars, of the stories and anecdotes he would tell._

 

_My eyes searched for Lyra and, of course, it wasn’t there. I could hear Abel’s voice in my head talking about how certain constellations are only visible at certain times of the year._

 

_I shook my head and scoffed, only I would be that stupid._

 

_But still, I was reminded of Orpheus and Eurydice, how Orpheus went to great lengths for his lost love. Then, I remembered how far Abel said he would go for me._

 

_“I guess you were always better at this, Abel, but I wish the roles were reversed. You deserved so much better than what you got,” I whispered._

 

_I felt new tears brimming in my eyes._

 

_“I’d give anything for you to be alive, even if it meant that I’d never get to have you again!” I shouted up at the sky._

 

_“It isn’t fair, Abel! Why couldn’t you have just listened to me?! Why do you always have to make things so difficult?! Why wouldn’t you stay with me?! Why did you have to die…?” My voice was quivering by the time I got done._

 

_I stared at the vast expanse of night sky for what felt like ages, studying every speck, trying to see what Abel saw._

 

_Then, I saw a shooting star. My breath hitched as a wish formed in my mind._

 

_This time I shouted it for Abel to hear._

 

_“I wish that he had never died! I wish that Abel was still alive! Send him back to me! Please!”_

 

_And as the first law of alchemy says, humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return._

 

_The light from the star became blinding and I felt a buzz in my head._

 

_Then, all my memories of Abel began to play in reverse. I saw our fight, the discussion in the living room on Christmas Eve, the date we went on last week, everything, all the way back to the first time we truly ever spoke._

 

_Then, everything went black._

 

                When I came to, I heard Serena’s voice.

 

“You alright, Mol? You kind of zoned out,” Serena questioned.

 

I looked around, bewildered, to find myself back in my Sophomore English class.

 

“Molly?” Dahlia asked. She, Marissa, and Serena were looking at me with concern.

 

                “Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured, “just a little dazed.”

 

Maybe I’m dead, but I think the star granted my wish. Maybe they were wrong, maybe you have to shout to get your wish.

 

I glance at the board: February 26th, 2016, definitely the first time I ever talked to Abel.

 

                Behind me I can hear him and Andre discussing the play.

 

I thank my lucky stars that he’s okay and pinch myself to make sure it isn’t a dream.

 

I don’t turn around and by doing that, I ensure his survival.

 

If you love something, let it go. No matter how bad it hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my very first work. I based it off of a dream that I had last night, the story just kind of came to me after I woke up and thought about the dream, so I shaped it from there.


End file.
